Virgie Bell's View

How green is John Kerry? He and his very rich wife are greener than anyone else in the whole wide world. Yesterday I found out that they have asked their 75,000 closest friends to return their Christmas cards so Mr. and Mrs. Heinz Kerry can make a carpet out of them. Next year I am going to ask all fifty on my Christmas card list to return their cards and I am going to make a belly button cover. If you think for even one minute that I am going to be left behind in a cloud of dust in Christmas card recycling, well you can think again.

No one is greener than me. I have been in trouble for years with my husband about our water bill every summer. Like Christmas card recycle, I had to start my yard in class 101. I just watered everything I saw until it was big enough to tell if it was a weed or a flower. It worked too. I had weeds that were higher than my fence. Our privacy was such that I could have sunned my self buck naked and no one would have been the wiser. Of course I didn't, because I was too busy watering. I even grew wild flowers in my alley. Aaron was over here a lot back then and he demanded that his mother plant wildflowers in their alley. He always came to my house during nutrition break (I live across the street from the high school) and we would smoke for our nutrition and walk along the alley and admire my wildflowers.

I wish he was here now to help me figure out how to make my belly button cover. Trust me, if it could be done, he would figure out the way. For years I have tried to find my little niche in society so I could write an instruction book on something and finally it has come to me. I know the first step is to buy solid color green Christmas cards and envelopes. I can’t use green ink though, so I’ll use red ink. As I am sure that Senator Kerry will use ketchup to address his 75,000. I am sure they will have the market cornered on Carpet from Christmas Cards in ten easy steps. But that will be an entirely different market. It pains me to admit that in my life I doubt I have even met 75,000 people, much less become fast friends with them. When I write my book on success I have to say this lack was because I was raised in a rural community. I am just so tired of being such an under-achiever. If the Kerry's would get off their high horse and send me a Christmas card, I would certainly return it ,even if I didn't open it. And may I say I look for green belly button covers to be the in-thing on all girls’ Christmas lists. I am so excited that I may just run for President, or maybe I can become Secretary of the Interior. You know, then I could water the USA. SUPPORT THE TROOPS!