Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Virgie Bell's View

Well, it’s good to know that Madam Speaker of the House is going to go great guns during her first 100 hours in office. I am the first to admit that I find this a little comforting – to be one of the minority. Yep, I can begin by finding the little unimportant details which others might overlook.
I said she was cute, the Speaker of the House. I also know that she has one of the oiliest complexions in the world; her face outshines everyone’s in our Capitol. If I were higher up on the food chain, I would be able to tell her that she will have to get out of the fashion houses and go to the Wal-Marts with the rest of us women. She must get into 100 percent cotton.


Oh, I know that the people who govern us don't dabble in synthetics except for control top pantyhose – and at her age you gotta have ’em or you will look like crap. Me, I am another sweet-face woman. But like other women, not the darlings of D.C., I can buy a moo moo or caftan at the same time I shop for buttermilk, and they all cost about the same. Another thing is I don't spend a lot of time shopping because I can go through the fast check-out line with all my true peers – the women in Wal-Mart cotton shifts, etc.

Our panties are also 100 percent cotton, and our shoes are usually 100 percent rubber, either tennis or flip flops. They have the largest selection of flip flops in the world, and they are often be-jeweled or sequin encrusted. I try to get a pair to match every outfit I own, and there’s no guess work involved. I just hold up the shoes to the frocks in my basket.

I will slow down a little at this section and look at the prices of the giant TVs with screens as big as my walls. I also slow down at the camera department, and I try to find out how much my kids are spending to turn their homes into movie theaters with dark Barca loungers, laptops and a dozen remote controls. While my decor spells Santa Fe, their decor screams ODE TO TV.

Because women need to compare shifts and shoes, we try as much as possible to all have our stuff as near each other’s stuff -- flip flops, etc. Do the black ones make the bottom of your feet black? Mine too! Chuckle, chuckle.

Our poor Speaker of the House is in for a rough time. Designers don't tell you the truth, just as Madam Speaker doesn't tell those of us women who buy our buttermilk and ensembles at the same place. Maybe she can borrow Hillary’s plastic headband form when she also ran with Bill. She wore it all the time, but if she hasn't kept up with it, I will tell Ms. Pelosi that she can purchase her own at any decent Super Store, with shoes to match. She can skip the buttermilk; she doesn't do buttermilk. But I did hear she does yogurt, and just think how much we tax payers would save if she would get real and SUPPORT OUR TROOPS.

2 comments:

De'on Miller said...

You kill me. Absolutely kill me with laughter.

Nothing like breakfast with you! :)

aunt karen said...

I'm dying laughing! You do the best posts! Oh, Virgie Bell, that's good.