Tuesday, January 02, 2007

How It Is, it is what it is, and this is how it is. Good, good title, De'on. Eye-catching. I like that.

There are so many names I didn’t get to last night. New York, various military installations, and an assortment of bloggers who’ve become more like friends that live down the street instead of a few states over. Amazing.

I’ve got a couple of projects going for the blog that I’ll get to after I finish this. I just wanted to talk to you a minute.

I’ve been out visiting tonight, at the bloggers’ houses. Funny, I think of them that way, as their homes. But I do, just as I think of Gunz Up as mine. I want its appearance to be pleasing, to say a little something about who I am. And just like in real life, I’m very open at times, but generally, I do a pretty fair job of hiding behind other wars and other heroes.

I’m a little sentimental tonight. I’d planned on heading right into Cop South with LT Rich and the Seabees, but I’m not going to do that just yet. The “story” I’d planned on doing last in the series, is the one I’m going to work on now, so that might take a while. I just wanted you all to know I’m here. I’ll be checking my email, and all the comments get sent there too, which is the reason mine sound crazy at times. Sometimes I see the last first, depending on whichever way my tiny little hammer takes me at the time.

Before I get started on anything though, I had to tell you how much you being in my life these last months have meant to me. I know, some of you probably think I need to get a life. Maybe that’d be right. Maybe my writing will worsen by blogging; there’s that chance. I don’t spend days or weeks on perfecting a post.

But this, you, and all that rest within tonight, are my life.

Lisa and Kayla were over here tonight. Kayla brought us the gifts she’d bought and wrapped for us well before Christmas. The Christmas her Auntie didn’t show up for.

I haven’t made it a secret how un-up for the energy end of Christmas (bad sentence, but for now it stands) I’ve been. Not that it’s been something to worry about, and no one has, really. I didn’t push it, and it shows. I should’ve pushed it for others. This is the first time I’ve not pushed, and it’s no better than pushing.

I am so losing my thread here.

Kayla, tonight, as she looked at me in my comfies on my little couch in front of my computer across from the fire while trusting and snoring animals wait at my feet, said, “I wish I had your life, Auntie,”

“I love my life,” I said. I do.

I love it. And when I go out and visit as I did tonight, I’m always ready to come home. No, nothing bad out there. These people are the greatest. I have hope for the support of our troops since I started blogging. I never even listen to the news on TV anymore. Every place I visit is so red, white and blue it nearly puts my eyes out.

It is the content. The content is all there, it’s all newsy and political and packing boxes, and most of the time, I leave feeling a little bit lonely. Just how I feel when I physically get up and go out in the real world.

I don’t really fit in.

I don’t say that out of pity at all. In many ways, I feel quite fortunate with the role I find myself in currently. I’m just not worried about what most people are worried about.

If things get bad enough, we’ll have a draft. If they get bad enough, we’ll have WWIII. If Iraq hates us or loves us, they will.

I care so deeply. But all of that is future stuff.

Tonight, while I’m here in my physical home, and in the halls of Gunz Up, I want to tell you: this is my life. I’m here and don’t want to leave. I don’t understand it, so no need to ask … just go with it.

I have no clue where everything is going to take us or how we’re going to get there. I learned nearly three years ago, we spend a great deal of time worrying about things that have nothing to do with anything. And tonight, it feels good to be free. To be free as a citizen of the great country my son died for. Yes, he died for those next to him, and he didn’t have a favorite right then. They were all his.

I bet more people come together on the Internet than they do anywhere else. I have no clue; save for a few, of who even reads this blog. But for those of you who’ve let me know, and those of you who just care enough to take the time, it means the absolute world to me to have you in my life.

I just wanted you to know that. On that, I do have an opinion.

Back later.


Lisa aka Dr. Jewell (ha) said...

OK then could your coffee breaks be that you may slide out and visit occasionally. Real life stands outside your doors. The seasons have been changing in such a beautiful scenario. I don't recall the seasons lasting for this long. It seems that I have been getting to enjoy them for a longer time. I feel my loved ones that have gone on in the seasons. It draws me close to them. I love it.
Kayla almost does have your life, the only difference is the age doesn't fit in. She needs to accept herself, but she needs to take coffee breaks also and venture out in the wide open spaces.
I love you two with all my heart. You are very special women.

Steve Ramos said...

Your dedication to Gunz Up touches a lot of lives. I'm confident of that. Your posts echo the peace that is so palpable in your home. I felt that peace the first time I visited. Perhaps it is Aaron, I don't know. I always open the window in the shower so I can hear the windchimes, the physical proof of Aaron's angelic voice. It's a great house, and you're healing there. But you know what's so great? You're helping so many others to heal, too. Perhaps that is part of Aaron's mission now. I can't know for certain. I just know that it's working.

Semper Fi Mom (aka MinuteMom) said...

De'on, I will echo what Steve said. GunzUp has touched a lot of lives...mine included. Sometimes I read your posts and find myself in tears, sometimes I'm laughing, and sometimes I just say "Wow!". You are a very special lady.

aunt karen said...

I have an addition to the "To Be" series....
To Be... a TCE (Terry County Employee)
Incoming Intel: In showing honor and respect to President Ford, all Federal and County offices will close today, Jan 2, 2007. Due to this closing, I, Cadet karen (alias aunt karen) have been activated and deployed.
Deployment; from Brownfield, Tx to Lovington, NM
1st Mission; Convoy to Camp Windham, meet with Windham detachment to take down Windham Christmas tree.
2nd Mission: Convoy to Camp Miller (our communications center). Meet with Cmdr De'on Miller to leave early birthday gifties for her and our unit Corpsman Lisa Jewell.
Berthing: My Ford Expedition
Meals: on the road MRE's

These missions could be gravely dangerous. Be very careful through check points. I have heard down through the ranks that there is a threat, Code Name: Crowbar. Be on your highest alert!

See you in a while, Cmdr.

De'on Miller said...

All of you are so amazing. I love you all.

And goodness, company on its way! Isn't Karen something? I just love how she plays! No wonder our kids adore her!

aunt karen said...

Incoming Intel: Mission 1 accomplished! Getting ready to convoy out of Camp Windham to Camp Miller. Windham Christmas tree dissasembled and put away. (Where were you, Lt Rich? I coulId have used your skilled engineering for this mission.)
Cadet karen reporting for next mission. Good to Go!

Steve Ramos said...

Well, well, well. I can see you were trained by the Navy! Thank you for all the classified info about your activity and location. I have the ol' crowbar ready and waiting. Beat me at a quiz, will ya!