Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Virgie Bell's View: Where Oh Where Did I Miss The Boat?

I'm pitiful at math. Yesterday when Fox News flew over John Edwards’ newly built home, and I found out it contains 29,000 square feet, I took notice.

“Twenty nine thousand square feet,” said I. "Wow."

The newscaster then regaled us with some of the little extras that are built in. There is, of course, the tennis courts, two fully equipped stages, a squash court, and two, yes two. basketball courts.

Some jealous old biddies have already written in complaining of what they consider excess. John Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth, are bloggers, and Elizabeth defended the gross and obviously greedy excess by saying she and hubby John don't take expensive trips. They used frequent flyer miles to tour England.

This brings me to the point of my musings today. Why oh why didn't I marry someone with John’s acumen for budgeting? I mean, from all I have read, here comes an ordinary man from humble beginnings, one who by his own admission couldn’t buy his wife a nice ring, and one who was able to celebrate his wedding only by eating at Wendy's. They still celebrate their anniversary by eating at Wendy's.

Jerry and I are thinking about retirement and checking out what income and fixed-expense ratio will look like, and we have to give up water softener, newspapers, book clubs and the bug man. If we do this, we might do Wendy's a couple of times a year in celebration of what I don't know.

What’s to celebrate when you realize that it was really within your reach to marry someone like John Edwards that they really did tool around in my hemisphere and that I missed out? I thought you had to marry a nerd like Bill Gates or a snob like Ted Turner in order to enjoy a luxurious life. I never guessed for one second that I come from a class of people who could put their picket fences around a 29,000-square-foot house with two basketball courts.

This, of course, made my mind wonder about what does Elizabeth have that I don’t. Why did she land John and I end up with Jerry? My husband is dedicated, a willing worker and is always ready to help someone move -- excellent qualities, I had assumed. Little did I know.

Well Elizabeth is not one bit cuter than I was at her age. In fact she, like Hillary, is best viewed from the waist up. I know, I know. I’m hateful. So why did they hit the jackpot, and I find myself stuck? Ozzie and Harriet forever doomed – that’s us. Is it just that we didn’t know how to budget as a couple or I didn’t know how to woo when I was a cutie?

At least I might have been able to retire with my water softener. Darn!


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