Virgie Bell's View

Sometimes I am so glad that I am not quite up-to-date with every ‘IN’ thing. Take for instance the gathering of friends to partake of the happiest meal of all times. Seems this man had liposuction and after they had sucked all this fat off his body, he took the fat home and called upon his very best friends to enjoy a meal of meat-balls ... cooked in his personal fat. But even more surprising was the fact that the friends ate this rare treat. He had some of his own body fat left over and then sold that to some lucky bunch for their gastronomical enjoyment.

I have come to the conclusion that I am the most creatively challenged person on earth. Inventively challenged you could say. I could have been staring at this blob of fat for weeks on end, and I would have never come up with that idea. In fact I am so sadly lacking in recycling inventions such as this artist. Consensus after this yummy meal seems to be that it is not cannibalism if you eat art. I knew that we were using grease from restaurants to run automobiles, instead of gas. I have mulled this over, and I have come to conclusion that I'll just have stay with gas and Wesson Oil. I know it is tacky of me to be so uncaring about recycling and new exciting recipes. But that is just me.

Other big spenders and environmental slobs are just like me. I feel true compassion for these green-niks having to put up with the likes of me. I know that the artist in me should at least appreciate the new trend of eating art. I’ll have to admit that I never have appreciated the art that shows a picture of Jesus submerged in the urine provided by the artist. I can’t picture me throwing blood on anyone’s fur coat or going naked holding a sign up for PETA. I never did appreciate the Malathorpe self-portriat, the one where he had the handle of a bull-whip in his rectum. I plead innocent to all of these flaws in my character by reason that I am squeamish. I feel no admiration for those macho men in Hollywood who grab bugs off windshields and eat them and I am old-fashioned I know, in that I always wear panties, (as do most of my friends). We are a sneaky bunch, I’ll admit, and we always wear our dresses long enough to hide this disgusting trait.

In this world of the new and inventive, I am a blight on the face of the earth. I get where all these people are coming from, I really do. I am presently coming up with New Year’s resolutions, but will just have to live with the fact that I am just one more hopeless case that he speaks of in his book, An Inconvenient Truth, by that charming Al Gore. His book is sweeping the nation and his movie is being mentioned for the Oscar. I am not surprised that the Hollywood set is right in there. SUPPORT THE TROOPS!