Virgie Bell's View: To De'on

November 26, 2006

I have been reading my Bible this morning. That is not something I do every morning ... it is the last thing I do before I turn out my reading lamp every night. I no longer go to the Word of God in order to justify my actions but in order to direct the paths of my journey on this earth.

I am just like everyone else on this planet; that is to say, a sinner saved by grace. Do you know the reason I can believe in heaven? It is because I believe so totally in hell. I really believe that evil prowls the deepest secrets of man and would change truth into a lie.

I gave up my attempt at reading my latest novel last night—when I do that—I know I am under extreme pressure. I knew after I read the same paragraph over and over (I guess you might say that is my version of God Calling.) The reason is this:

Just before my bath, I came into our office and was going to take a quick peek at the latest postings. De'on has wanted me to do a profile for Gunz Up and when I finally agreed to have a picture taken, of course, my eyes were shut. So she called me and said, “Mom you had your eyes shut and I don't think you would want that for your profile.” And low and behold there’s the photo right in front of me, the one of my eyes closed! You all have seen it now, so on the profile it will go.

This is not why I was distressed, I raised this girl, and I know her, so I’m going to give her an open letter about my fretfulness. What bothers me most is this: the picture of her Daddy. It breaks my heart that she put that picture up without an explanation.

Harvey has been in a horrible fight for his life. He has been battling cancer and has been in some of the toughest situations known on this earth. First of all, they had to cut into his throat; to do that they had to remove his teeth, and then he had radiation and chemo… and this went on and on and on. Finally, when he came home all the food he could ingest had to be put into a blender, and he had to drink it. Radiation burned his mouth to where he can still only wear false teeth a few meals a week. We still do not know if Harvey won the war, all we can say is he has won the battle ... at least for now.

I have seen the victims of this lost war. Indeed, I have sat with them and held their hands as they finally gave up the fight and went to sleep. Before Mama Curry died, I prayed over and over again for God to take her because her torture was so great.

I have come to the conclusion that beauty is a curse ... it is a crutch that we use and an effective one it is. It is also a weapon used against us by a society that cannot worship anything but a culture of beauty. And too, it is a mocker, and as we set in the midst of our old age infirmaries, it hides in the shadows of memory pricking our mind, whispering in our ear what once was and will never be again. The beauty of a man is like the flower that blooms for a season and fades quickly and then is gone. If anyone thinks differently, they are mistaken.

You throw the battle of old age in atop the ravaged battle of a cancer survivor and you have just about seen someone that has thrown themselves on a grenade to save their buddies. Cancer has no cure except to cut it out and cast it away…anything else is experimental…that is really the truth, no matter what anyone says.

De'on does look through the eyes of love and she sees her Dad with a grateful heart. This also a victory for all of us for it is the first time he has been able to travel the seventy miles to our son’s house in a while. Harvey also suffers from emphysema, so just crossing a room is a victory for him. De'on told me that her Dad had a new walker that he was really thrilled with. During Thanksgiving I had a chance to see that walker and let me tell you, he is far more proud of it than he was his second-hand Ford he had when we were first together… and rightly so…for it is a way to be out and about....

Harvey was always one of the most sociable creatures on earth. He is as proud of his walker as I am my new hearing aids. Old age is hard to bear. God tells us in the twelfth chapter of Ecclesiastes to: “Remember our Creator in the days of our youth while the evil days come not for when the eyes grow dim and the keepers of the house tremble. The grinders are few and the daughters of music are brought low....” Well, read it all for yourself ... but God’s conclusion of the whole matter is, to Fear God and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

Let me add before closing...you all know how beautiful an Iris is when it blooms ... It is more beautiful and showy than any flower. The Iris blooms early while everything else is still sleeping the winter away. I had some of these lovely flowers and was gazing in awe, and yet could see that by tomorrow the most beautiful would start to fade. Just as I was feeling regret, then suddenly, it seemed as if out of nowhere, came this whirl-wind and blew loose grass and dust into my face, it reached under those fragile petals without bruising a one. As it passed from my yard into the air that spun it, I saw those beautiful flowers live for another day and I knew right there that I had just seen my God work the impossible.

Kayla asked me one day what my favorite book was and I told her I hoped I had yet to read my favorite book; well, let me qualify that statement by saying The Holy Bible is my favorite and I hope I never finish it, for it is without a doubt the Word of God . As for the other thousand books on my shelves, well Kayla, I still look forward to reading my favorite.