This is the continuing part of my comment under the program. Like I said, I love dance more than anything. Steve said that when you watch the dancers it takes your mind away from the war and bad things. Well not only does that occur watching but it happens for me when I dance. I don't know what it is but when I dance I feel something so powerful. It is unexplainable but is the very reason I feel ballet is my calling and future career. People say that dancers don't make good money and I believe that, but this feeling in my body is definetly a sign for my dream. It is a voice telling me to dance my heart away but I know every time I dance that it is not my best. I know it isn't. Sometimes when I watch very professional dancer clips on youtube.com I think to myself that I can definetly do that. Maybe not right now but in the future when I am stronger. My best is hidden when I know people are watching me. When I go to the other house I do things that I never thought I could possibly do, but when people are there nothing comes out and I look not as good. That is tragic but all my dance teachers have known and pointed out to me that I have way to much fear and that if I got rid of that it would make me a better dancer.
I have fallen once in the other house when I kicked my left leg up on pointe. I fell flat on my butt and back. It didn't hurt at all but falling is something that I have never wanted to do. But it happens to all dancers and is a part of learning. Not saying that I would know about learning that because I am still scared to fall in front of everybody.
This summer I will go to the Lubbok Ballet. I have no idea what they will do or what it even is. I am scared that they will all be way, way, way better than me. My mother always tells me that you will find somebody better than you always but let's face it, I am from Lovington and that leaves me very minimal chances of being professional or any better than the Lubbok ballerinas. When I think of this little town I feel my heart drop knowing that I probably won't make it out of here with my dreams coming true. So I will do the best I can. This is a call for help and any advice you can give me that will uplift me from the heartache of broken dreams.
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5 comments:
Keep dancing my daughter and follow that dream. You have many more times to dream...you are young with talent.Keep praying, working on strength with grace flowing as it does right now...how can you go wrong. Keep your eyes to the sky.
True and God given talent knows no borders, race or gender, Kayla. You have the talent and the drive.
When you leave for college, it won't be like here. You can major in dance.
Between now and then, expose yourself to as many of these workshops as you can, and keep practicing.
Dance for Aaron. Dance for the Lord.
There is much prayer over your future, sweet girl. Say yours too, and rest easy. You'll do something with it, I'm sure.
I love you,
Auntie
Kayla,
When I was growing up, Dumas was the capital of conservatism in the Texas Panhandle. No blacks were allowed to live here, although they lived in towns all around us.
I say all of this to explain that I, too, was a boy growing up in a town where dreams of performing on stage weren't the norm. My passion was music.
I played baseball, and I was on the rodeo team, but I loved music, and I wanted nothing more than to be a classical musician. I wanted it more than anything. I had a choice to make though: one school was offering me a rodeo scholarship and another was offering one in music.
I chose to go to UCLA on a the music scholarship, and I thought I was on my way to being a musician in a major symphony. But I was hobbled by one thing -- my self esteem. I was a hat-and-boot-wearing hick at UCLA, and I thought immediately that I couldn't compete with the other people from the cities. I thought that because they were from the city, they were automatically better than me. Never mind that I had a scholarship that acknowledged my talent. My lack of confidence crippled me.
Later on, I found a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, and I've never forgotten it. She said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." How I wish I had known that at UCLA.
Kayla, no you're not from Dallas or San Franciso. No, you're not training in a city known for its arts. But you know what matters? It's your heart and your drive. Kayla, how badly do you want to dance professionally? If you want it badly, then don't let anyone or anything get in the way.
I look back to UCLA and sometimes wonder "what if?" I left there after a year, certain that I didn't have the talent to play in a symphony. And you know what's sad? During the year I was there, I had won a competition to play a solo with the Los Angeles Philharmonic at the Hollywood Bowl. At least I have that memory.
But, Kayla, are you going to settle for having just one or a few good memories. If you want a lifetime of them, then you look in the mirror every day, several times a day, and tell yourself. I have the heart to be a great dancer. And then, Kayla, you harness that heart to your ambition and don't stop working.
I learned that no one is going to knock on the door and hand me success. If I wanted it, I was going to have to get out there and make it happen for myself. And that's what you're going to have to do. You're going to have to make it happen, and you can do that only if you believe you are worth it. That you have what it takes. Believe in yourself because if you don't, you can't expect others to believe in you.
Honey, you are choosing a profession that is cutthroat, as all of the arts are. I remember people doing and saying things to me to keep me out of competition. You'll have to face that. You must stay focused on your goal when people, other dancers, try to intimidate you -- because they will. You are entering a field where the slots are few, and there are many applicants. Build your confidence because there might be times when that is the one thing that will give you the edge over the next girl.
I'm saying all of this to tell you that you can do it if you want it badly enough. But, Kayla, you have to want it badly. Then you practice, practice and practice. I used to practice four hours a day in high school when I was getting ready for state competition. When I was preparing for the scholarship audition, I sometimes practiced up to eight hours a day. I wanted it. But you see, my lack of self-esteem defeated all that work. Don't make that mistake.
You have a family who will root for you and help you dream. That's important. No where is it written in stone that prima ballerinas must come from the cities. Put Lovington on the map, Kayla. Someday, there will be a sign entering Lovington that says "Home of Kayla Jewell."
Dream it.
Kayla when your mother was carrying you she used to take her hand and push this hard knot away saying this feels like this babys toes pushing and sure enough it was...God would not have made you a dancer if he didn't have plans for you...you are also a wonderful writer..your mother says you sing all the time in the bath...though you never have for me...if you come to be my age and the only thing you have done with you talent is taken the time and effort to pass love of the arts to your off-spring at that time in your life it will be enough..but in the mean time a small town is not so bad...I saw you on a stage in the 5th grade do a beautiful ballet to "Where Were You When The World Stop Turning"..I saw you at Aarons welcome home at Aunt Shirleys and Tonyas and I saw you at Aarons memorial and the Hobbs News Paper wrote a beautiful tribute about the dance...in the audiance was the govener of NM but the time that I hold in my heart the most is on that small stage in the 5th grade..You signed with your hands to the words of the song..You designed the dance and the signing...It was the most beautiful I had ever seen...You have had performed many times,,but you know what you have asked me many times "which is you favorite book Granny" I always replied that I hoped I had yet to read my favorite book..you have every check that I've recieved from my mothers grandmothers oil to help you and Papa and I pay at least half of your lessons and costumes..you mother takes you twice a week to lessons so that means so many living and so many that have gone before have been envovled ... the governer of NM is now running for president of ou in other words aim high Kayla and follow your dreams..there will never be a failure in your life for you will be always looking for that favorite dance..and like my books hold in your heart the belief that you the best one is still one dance away..I am so very very proud of you are my favorite book Kayla..Each chapter of your life thrills me and you just keep getting better..I love you Angel Pie..There used to be a song with the word "the best is yet to come and won't it be fine"..love never stop from Mama Currys,to my mothers to me and then to you somehow hope just never dies
Mom, this is the most beautiful answer in the world. And it is so true.
I remember how those feet and toes once dug in my back as she rested next to me on the bed during the nights she would spend with me. I'd say, "Dig those feet I love in me."
I still love looking at them. Lisa says they look like mine.
I'm so glad we have this child in our lives. She never ceases to make me smile.
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