The First Day of Winter

Hey everybody,

Happy first day of winter. It's nice and warm here, but I know it's not that way for everyone. Steve will be here about midnight due to the cold weather damage and ice they've had in the panhandle. Weather in southeastern New Mexico and our borders with Texas can change in a heartbeat, but nothing like the panhandle. It's one of the reasons I don't try to go to Aaron's grave during this time of year. Every year on December 11, I have a 3 x 5 grave blanket put on his grave. It's made of evergreen and pine cones. Very natural. A little red. They've been beautiful and I will do that every year. Aaron's dad keeps flowers on it the rest of the year.

When I go to Aaron's grave, I like to stay a long while. To go in the winter would be hard. I think it would make me pretty sad to just be there a few cold minutes and then leave.

I was there on the 11th of December the first year, as that was to be his wedding day. It was in the 70's that day. I'd never seen anything like it. For Amarillo, that is very unusual.

I want to apologize to everyone for not sending out Christmas cards this year. I guess that's pretty terrible of me, but most of the time, I'm here, or working on getting here. I think I could easily become an invalid here.

I remember my grandmother, MaMa, getting to a point in her life where she was never far from her couch. Her coffee table held her calendar, one with a page for each day of the year. Every day MaMa recorded the weather and news of the day, if there was something newsy to add. But no matter what, the weather was recorded. After all, they'd always farmed for a living and their lives depended on the weather. And truly, all of ours do. But MaMa had her meals there, her flat toothpicks for later. They had a big huge ashtray, red, and it was heavier than their little coffee table. It was almost as if the red ashtray held the table down. There were never any ashes in it, whereas my ashstay stays full. I've always smoked a lot, but never more than I do now.

If any of you wonder how I am, I am fine. True, everything is a little tender right now, but I still love it. I will always love this time of year, and Christmas was Aaron's favorite! My parents always gave us three kids the best Christmases, so I guess we've practiced the same thing for our own little branches that have happened along! Even if we were broke at Christmas, we managed to do something special for it. I don't understand how people don't love it. If it wasn't regarded as a time to recognize the birth of our savior, it is a time of giving, and I can't imagine that people don't like giving. It feels so good.

For those of you who read my posts, I imagine there's many out there who are sad or broken hearted right now. I'm sorry. I really am, and it's strange when I don't have something to say, but in this case, in the case of talking to someone who is sad this time of year, it is so understandable, and there's really not much that can be said. Sometimes I think more people hurt than are happy. And truly, it's okay too. It may be harder on you to try and be happy when it's just not there for you. Don't force it and try to rest or find someone to be around who just lets you be quiet or sad. Greg is that way with me when I need it.

I do want you all to know that Gunz Up has been very good for me. While I've done very little this year toward gifts, cards and that sort of thing, I have enjoyed the Christmasy things to put on the blog. Christmas can never be for me what it was. This is the first year I've not tried to force that "for everyone else around me" and it's been good. Maybe next year I'll want to do those things again, but I just haven't wanted to this year. Greg put everything up and I love looking at it. But the "busyness" of it all has totally evaded me this year.

All of you, whether you comment or just read, I appreciate you. And I love you, and I hope we have many more Christmases together. You can't put your heart and soul into writing for someone you may never meet, and not consider them, not wonder about them. You want them to be okay.

God bless and send you warmth for this season He's created with beauty and purpose.