Casablanca II

Humphrey Bogart would be proud.

My journey to the Iraqi embassy yesterday was a combination of Casablanca meets The Three Stooges. The cab driver didn't speak English, and even though he shook his head enthusiastically when I showed him the address, it was clear after a few minutes he didn't have a clue.

The embassy is the Jabria District. Lots of palatial homes, ambassadors' residences, and I saw the Japanese Embassy. We drove around and around, he stopped and asked people, and we drove around and around some more, passing the same landmarks. I was bored and was ready to throw myself out of the cab. If he hadn't been driving about 90 mph, I would have.

Then he stopped suddenly at an intersection, and the car behind slammed into us. I think my neck stretched a foot as it tried to keep my head attached to my body. The driver got out and spent about an hour talking to the other driver. It seemed amicable, and I told De'on that there would have been a fistfight had the accident occured in Mexico or Italy. They say we're a little hot-blooded. I don't know, maybe just a little.

He finally found the embassy, and there were no markings. Nothing to distinguish it from the other houses in the area. I'm still wondering why the U.S. embassy said there is no Iraqi embassy in Kuwait. I have news for them. I was in it. Then, the Americans didn't even have a phone number to the Embassy. All they have is the consul's cell number. They gave it to me after I wrote in blood I wouldn't pass it out to anyone. Somewhere, I swear Sam is playing the piano, and the police are rounding up the usual suspects. If you're lost, go rent "Casablanca." It will be quicker than me explaining it.

So, I didn't know whether to knock or just go in. There weren't any signs remember. For all I knew, it was his residence. I knocked. A very handsome Iraqi man answered the door, and I told him I was there to see the consul. He directed me to a long desk where an incredibly beautiful Iraqi woman sat. I mean, I think they got the two best looking people in Iraq to work in the embassy. Those two should have children.

The consul, maybe he's the ambassador, I don't know, met with me. Hollywood should make a movie about him. He has survived three assassination attempts, the last one was in 2005. His right arm is a little paralyzed from the shootings, and he still has shrapnel in his thigh. I'm trying to rush through all this because I have to pay in blood to use internet here, so I'm trying to make this fast.

He loves Bush, I mean he's a HUGE fan. Oh heck, I'm just going to paste the e-mail I wrote to De'on about the meeting. It will be faster

The e-mail, well, parts of it:

I spent about an hour talking to the Iraqi ambassador. It turns out there is an Iraqi embassy here. Don't you think it's strange that the U.S. embassy said there isn't one? Even the Kuwaitis told me there isn't one. I don't understand. But this was definitely an embassy.

The ambassador or consul, I'm not sure which he is was great. His name is Hamid Al-Sherifi, and he's a HUGE fan of Bush. He told me a lot of things. He said that under Saddam, the Iraqis were making about 75 cents a month. Now they are making hundreds of dollars a month. Big difference. He said yes there is a problem getting electricity on in all of Baghdad, but the difference is that under Saddam, Baghdad was the only place where there was electricilty. Now North Iraq and South Iraq have electricity. He went on and on about the changes, and he said that in a couple of years, the Iraqis will thank the Americans for all we've done.

There have been three assasination attempts on this guy's life, the last one was last year. His right hand is partially paralyzed, and he said he still has shrapnel in his leg. The Islamic extremists tried to kill him because he is an American supporter. He said Bush did the right thing by going into Iraq, and he said the United States is safer now. He said the Americans aren't being told the whole story. I told him that's the whole point about going there. I want to write those stories. He still thinks it's crazy, but he said he would do all he can to get the visa.

The application has to go to Bahgdad, but he would mark it urgent. Still, it could take up to two weeks he said. It might come back in a few days. He can't guarantee how quickly it can be done. The ambassador was great, and you would like him. He said the United States has done so much good in the country, and he knows the good guys will win. It will just take a little more time to get the country settled down.

He said that it's true that there are people killed in Iraq every day. He said how many? 50? 100? He said under Saddam up to 3,000 were killed EVERY day. He said they discovered mass graves. Where were the stories in the American papers about that? Man, that pisses me off that we weren't told that. He said that if you stuck a shovel in the ground you would either find oil or bones. He told me other horror stories about Saddam, and he couldn't say enough about how much better the country is now.

So, that's the story, folks. I spent about eight hours visiting with some construction guys last night about the possibility of tagging along with them into Baghdad. We'll see.

OK, I'm off again to spread cheer around Kuwait City! I bet these people are praying I leave soon. Well, I hope their prayers are answered!