Even Still, No Regrets

Here is the latest e-mail from Ramos that I wanted to share with you, especially since I tried to pull all the troops out last night on his behalf.

Steve writes:

“I'm in a little town, a village really, near the Iraqi border. I e-mailed the Iraqi ambassador about the visa, but he hasn't responded yet. I asked if he had received it. I'll probably hear from him tomorrow. I feel safe here. The Kurds live here, and they hate Saddam with all their energy. I believe they are our closest allies in Iraq. So many of the Kurds are Christian. I think the majority of them are. I try to stay away from discussing politics and religion here.

It's safe here, and it's a lot cheaper than Kuwait. I'm paying this family almost nothing to stay in a room in their small house. I'm embarrassed to pay them so little, but they think it's a fortune. It's only $10 a day, and I had to push that on them. They told me they didn't want anything, but I insisted so they said OK, how about a dollar a day. I about cried. I said no that's not enough. I tried to give them more, but they wouldn't take it, and they need it desperately. All they would take is $10. It's so much money to them. Their goats stay in the house at night! Well, you know how much I love animals, so I don't care. I told them that I love animals, I don't eat them!! They speak broken English, but we get by.”
**

Last night, after I received the first "scary" e-mail from Steve, I sat on my couch for about two hours before I pasted the e-mail into the blog. At first, I thought, oh, don’t do that, De’on. Don't worry anyone. But then I thought, no, we've brought readers and friends and family into this, they need all the news, good or bad. We need their prayers and maybe someone can help.

It’s strange to explain, but I knew going into this that it was going to be scary for me and possibly dreadful (if not fatal) for Steve. We’ve discussed these possibilities, and with everything there is going against this, somehow, we still feel the desire to push forward. So, God willing, Steve will make it into Iraq to gather some of the “unheard news” of our troops. If he doesn’t, I still have to believe that some small part of the mission we want to accomplish will at least be started. I know Steve feels the same way.

Before Steve left, I asked him, “So, do you have all your I’s dotted and your T’s crossed?”

He nodded at me. He knew what I was speaking of.

Without going into our whole conversation on his last night in the USA, Steve assured me that his faith in God’s protection would bring him home, and that if he died doing this, well then, it simply meant that his purpose on this earth had been accomplished. We discussed this at length for sometime. I had no trouble at all comprehending this line of thought. After all, it is my belief in “purpose” that comforts me about my loss and heaven’s gain. And in the end, even though I’m not in danger, I do know that death can come for all of us at anytime. I told Steve that night, and my husband later, “If something happens to me before Steve makes it back, then I want to ensure that he is supported from the rear to see this thing through."

My husband said he can’t guarantee about the writing part, but every other base would be covered. What a man.

But even with purpose and faith and hope, I have to tell you that I cratered at my computer last night. Even though Steve had told me he would still do this without me, I suddenly felt very selfish and irresponsible. After I sat in front of the screen waiting for that contact name of Steve Ramos to show up on my message screen just one more time, one more word, and when no further word came, I stretched out on the couch closest to my computer, my ears tuned for the sound of a new message.

I listened to the wind chimes and of course, all the horrible days of April 2004 pushed into my head. I heard nothing, and finally, I don’t know how much time had passed, I fell asleep on the couch with Sarah (my cat) on my stomach.

Sometime, early morning, I made it to my bed and slept until 8:12 (CST, even though I'm on MST, which is one hour behind). My Internet radio interview had been slotted for 8:05, so I was a little late, but that's okay; I didn't have time to get nervous--and the guys over there, Russ and Dave, well they were great to me, in spite of my tardiness. If you'd like, you can listen to it over on the Corps Blogger (their site is linked below). You'll have to get about 10 or 11 minutes into the half-hour slot before you hear my drawl. But all in all, I think it went well, and I owe a huge debt to these guys for giving me the opportunity to spread the word of what we're doing. Somehow, this is one of those things that if no one knows, who does it help?


So guys, we are still standing strong. I want you all to read that, hear that, believe that. We never know when the end will come, but this I do know, as God’s grace allows, we are in this to the end. We have no regrets and we have mighty expectations.

Well, I guess I’m writing another book. I don’t mean to do that, but when I start “talking” to you, like with Steve, I don’t want to quit.

So, all “my guys” out there: “Report.”

I realize you may be a little busy with death squads and injuries and, and, and…but just as soon as you can, I’m ready to hear, “All present or accounted for.”

Sweet dreams.

De’on

P. S. Should anyone ever need to contact me personally, my e-mail is: deonmiller7@hotmail.com Please be sure to put something in the subject area that lets me know you're not trying to sell me Viagra. :)