It's 11:25 p.m. in Kuwait. I think that would be 3:25 p.m. CST. So folks here are winding down while y'all are still waiting for Oprah to come on.

I didn't get a visa to enter Iraq today. While I was in the United States, I contacted the American embassy, and the lady I spoke with told me I could enter Iraq through Turkey or Kuwait. De'on, Greg and I decided that Kuwait would be safer than Turkey since the Turks are throwing a few tantrums of their own. The bad thing is that there is no Iraqi embassy here. I was told there was. I guess Kuwait is still a little bit upset with Iraq about that invasion, and there has been little or no diplomatic ties since then. You gotta let go people. Geez. Don't they watch Dr. Phil?

It looks like I might have to go to Bahrain to the Iraqi embassy there. The American embassy was closed today to observe a holiday (I didn't know today was a holiday.) They'll tell me they can't help get an Iraqi visa, but I'm hoping I can be enough of a pest that they will tell me where I can get one quickly.

The people in Kuwait were helpful today. I even had a German helping me to get a visa. I guess they thought the sooner they get me out of the country, the sooner they will have peace ... I won't be hounding everyone about the visa. I even had a guy go with me to this office that was teeming with activity. I haven't seen that kind of bustle since I kicked a fire ant mound and sent the critters scurrying.

This man with limited English ( we used a lot of hand gestures and facial expressions) told me he was sure I could get a visa at this office, and he offered to go with me. Awesome, I thought. We arrived, and he talked to several people. He spoke to a guy dressed in a military uniform who then hollered across the room at a veiled woman. She was at her desk in a room with two other veiled woman, all of them working on their computers. One of the woman told me in English ( why didn't she say she speaks English from the get-go?) that I should go to the United Nations' office in Kuwait and get permission from them to enter Iraq and then go back to her, and she'd give me something that sounds like a "green form." At least that's what I think she called it. I could understand almost everything she said, but her accent mauled a few words, and I could tell she thought I was missing a marble or two for wanting to go to Iraq. She probably thought there is no undrestanding Americans.

I saw something amusing, though, on the way to the airport. These people are serious about jaywalking. There was a sign at an intersection that said in English and Arabic, "Crossing the red signal leads to death or prison."

Prison? Oh my gosh. I can just see it. "What are you in for?" "Oh, I got 30 years for crossing the red signal." There wouldn't be many free Americans if that law were enforced in the United States. I'd be doing life, I know.

I saw another amusing announcement at the airport when I was getting a visa to enter Kuwait. A sign at the counter where visas are issued announced that citizens of countries listed on the sign could get visas at the airport. There were 35 countries listed, and one of them was Hong Kong. Except it was spelled Honk Kong. I like that spelling better.

Another thing: Kuwait has incredible roads. I was all over Kuwait City today trying to track down an Iraqi visa, and I never saw a pothole. Smooth sailing everywhere. It's good to have billions in oil revenue. It's a pretty city if you don't mind the desert.

After I failed to get a visa today, I tried to find the bureaus for some of the American newspapers or the Associated Press. I got information about the bureaus in Baghdad and other cities, but I couldn't find their bureaus here. Surely they would know where I can get the elusive visa. Now if I had family in Iraq, there wouldn't be a problem. I could hop on the next camel caravan out of Kuwait and be on my way to Baghdad. Alas, I have no family in Iraq, although there is reporter in Dumas, Texas, who wrote in a column that Mexicans resemble the terrorists. Well, since my mother was born in Mexico, I'm thinking, according to that reporter's racist thinking, that I should be allowed to go to Iraq based on appearance. Except I don't look like my mother's side of the family. I'd buy some bronzer, though.

I'm going to Iraq, though. Someone is going to issue me a visa whether they like it or not. I mentioned the German who was helping me. He's working here, and he called a Kuwaiti business acquaintance who drove over to talk to me. (I mean, how nice is that?) The German didn't speak much English, but he spoke a little French and Spanish. I'm fluent in Spanish and can speak a little French, so we were able to communicate by combining three languages. The German's wife just smiled.

Anyway, his Kuwaiti friend drove over and joined the parlay. He speaks excellent English, and he told me that I shouldn't have any problem getting a visa. He told me to go to the American embassy tomorrow, and they would help. Uh huh, I thought. Our embassy has explicitly said they won't help obtaining a visa, but this man seems to think otherwise. He also said I could get to Baghdad by hitching a ride with one of the military convoys that leaves Kuwait for Baghdad almost daily.

I told him that I didn't think the American embassy would help, but he said he'd go with me tomorrow to the embassy and see to it that they help. Oh? Well go on with your bad self then! So, the Kuwaiti guy and I are going to the embassy tomorrow. I think the German might go just to watch his friend give the Americans what for. I will stand meekly in the background with a sad and beaten expression that should convey my helplessness and my disappointment at not being able to secure a visa to enter a country that has more shootings in an hour than a John Wayne movie.

You know, I could use a beer right now, but good luck with that. I asked a guy if beer can be purchased in a Muslim country. He said "under the table." Well, does an Iraqi visa come with it?